Commitment to chastity

Testimony (fragment) of Ariana Szabo from Resita at Catholic Diocesan Youth Meeting in Holy Mary Queen of Peace Parish, Timisoara, 31 May 2014

(…)Something has changed in my heart, the strongest love that triumphs over all evil appeared. Probably because I fall so deep down and raising was different because now I can make the difference. I know where I came from and for nothing in the world I would not go back there. Slowly I opened the door to God, He began to be my joy, there is nothing in this world that can bring us more joy and fulfillment than his presence in my life, so simple, honest and true.

I had already made the decision, even though I did not knew, I wanted to be a true Christian, this desire was born in my heart. At that time my dissolute life became unbearable, suffocating me, it caused me so great suffering that I felt that I can not bear it anymore. I said, „Lord, do something with me because I feel I can not bear it anymore.” I felt like dying inside. I cried and begged grace after grace to help me get up because I was too weak. Once that I have wide opened the door to evil in my life, it did not left me. I began to pray and He answered my prayers. Holy confession, the sacrament of reconciliation, helped me a lot. I went constantly with the same sins to confession but I did not quit in doing them. I was wrong like before. And I repented. Eventually I decided I want to live a chaste life no mather what. At first it was not easy because the temptations were very big and the judgment of the world, the kicks, the way I was treated. After two years in which I was determined to live a chaste life, I found out  about the chastity movement. They came to Resita, in my city, which I enjoyed because I could finally talk to someone who was like me. They came just ten days before the commitment.

At first I thought I’d just keep the decision for myself, so that few people could know it, but in the end I said I wanted to do this for Jesus, for His victory in this world, so full of sin. In front of the people, in front of the church, before God, before all from heaven and earth, I said yes, I want to do this. From that day my life changed completely, my relationship with God was already very close but from that day it was different. I can say that it’s not the same thing when I take personal decisions or I am not simply hiding from the world,  I talk about it and I promise that for God’s sake I want to live a chaste life. From that moment my life changed so much, so many wonderful things happened at high-speed… That day of May 6 was for me as a springboard to sky! (…)

 The first time I went to Medjugorje, that holy, special place, where are those apparitions of the Virgin Mary, there I understand that I must remain only His forever. It was very hard to accept this thing because I was a family woman by nature, I could not wait to have children. I did not understand why God put those desires in me if He takes them away now.

I understand that he placed all those thing in me so I can live faith and life in a better way, to help the others more. Having maternal spirit, wishing to love them, wanting to have children, I can help the others more. I accepted that, and since then I learn to be a bride of Christ, and I want everyone to discover this.